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To set the WITH_QT flag, run cmake with -DWITH_QT parameter. It's even easier to use cmake-gui, where you can check every parameter before generating the makefile.
I don't know ROS; maybe the installer comes with its own OpenCV libraries or it pulls the standard Linux libraries (this might be important if it uses OpenCV 2.x).
If you build OpenCV yourself, it will be installed by default to /usr/local/lib.
